solo in sydney

February 9, 2010, 7:43 pm
Filed under: dear diary | Tags: , , ,

J left early this morning, and without a word. In days gone by he would have woken me with a kiss, and a number of years passed when I could count on one hand the number of times he hadn’t done so. Now, it’s a constant. To be truthful, I far prefer to wake to an empty house, or at least a house without J in it.

Regardless, today was a small but important milestone. I was approved for a personal loan, which means I can finally consolidate my credit cards and move towards a debt-free life (HECS excluded). At one stage J and I discussed a joint loan, but when I realised this would legally bind us together for at least another 2 years, my mind quickly changed.

When J got home this evening, I informed him of my loan approval. He shrugged, grunted, and walked back out. It’s difficult to tell if he knows what it means to me, if he was in a horrid mood, or if he just doesn’t care, but I don’t have the energy or will to decypher his moods anymore.

I’ll be the first to admit that I owe J a great deal more than just money, but that can’t possibly be reason enough to stay in a relationship. Nobody likes to feel indebted, especially when they’re made to feel indebted on a regular basis. I look forward to being debt-free, both financially and emotionally, if such a thing is even possible.