solo in sydney

We had The Talk. It lasted all of 5 minutes. After yet another screaming match and yet another half-assed truce, I suggested that we should start thinking about how we’ll divide our ‘stuff’ if (when) we split. J brushed it off with a comment about how silly I was being. He doesn’t think I’m serious about it and for some reason he’s largely right, but I stood firm this time and insisted that we need to consider because it’s a very likely outcome.

Normally he’d continue to dismiss any such talks (we have them often) as the result of my ’emotional state’, but I think I got through to him this time. Eventually, in the most caring tone he’s directed at me for months, he suggested that we should get me back on my feet first before we discuss it further.

It pains me to admit that he’s right, I’m an absolute mess and I’m not ready to go it alone, as much as I’d like to. Worse still is that I’m caught in a vicious cycle – his emotional and financial support, however fleeting, is something that I’ve come to depend on. It’s doing my head in to live with someone who acts like they loathe me a good 75% of the time, but I honestly don’t think I can survive without him at this very moment.