solo in sydney


Park Life
March 4, 2010, 4:51 pm
Filed under: dear diary, depression

Yesterday I couldn’t drag myself out of bed, even in an effort to avoid confrontation. With no energy or will, I messaged J and told him that I had a migraine, hadn’t gone to work and needed him to be nice to me when he got home. He responded:

People go to work with migraines Cat…

I curled up and went back to sleep, expecting a barrage of lectures and berating as soon as J got home. Instead, he didn’t even come into the bedroom to see if I was alright. He stayed out in the living room and watched show after show, movie after movie, until I eventually mustered up the courage to go out.

Wrapped in a bedsheet and no doubt looking as horrible as I felt, I sat down next to him. He barely blinked at first and remained quite aloof for almost an hour, but eventually he warmed and was back to his usual joking self.

That one hour of silence, and the time spent hiding under the sheets, dreading his mood, should have been enough to motivate me to go to work today. But here I am back at the park, passing the time before I can go back home and lie to his face to keep the peace.