solo in sydney


Paper Towels
February 28, 2010, 9:32 pm
Filed under: dear diary, depression

You know your situation is dire when you’re threatened with being kicked out over an argument about paper towels.

One of J’s habits that really gets to me is that he never puts something back where or how he found it. It’s a silly little gripe, but it often escalates into something major if I have the gall to ask him to clean up after himself.

This evening, J’s attempt to cook, at my request, came with his demand that I help. Apparently pasta and rice are beyond his capabilities. As I was preparing, he asked if we had any rubbish bags, and I told him that we did, in the drawer. As I put a pan onto the stove, he had a go at me for starting too soon, as if it was my fault that he hadn’t thawed the meat even though I’d asked him to prepare dinner earlier that day. That conversation was charming too:

C: Can you please get dinner ready tonight?
J: What do I look like, the chef?
C: Definitely not, but can you organise dinner anyway?
J: Oh, so you cooked dinner last night and now you’re a chef?

I rolled my eyes and walked off. He’d been especially short with me all afternoon and I simply wasn’t in the mood. So when he had a go at me for my preparedness, I did the same thing. I turned the stove off, asked him to let me know when he was ready, and retreated to my study.

Within 30 seconds, he was shouting out across the apartment, asking me if we had any paper towels. Given that they were in the same drawer with the rubbish bags he’d just grabbed, I offered little more than a neutral ‘yes’. Maybe a little more deadpan than neutral, but nothing snippy or bitchy.

Cue World War III.

His response was off the chart, including asking why I was responding like I’d ‘just been punched in the face’. In amongst being told I was disrespectful and have no idea how the world works, I tried to remain calm. After about 5 minutes of his ranting, I told him that we’d had this argument before, and that if he didn’t like the tone of my response, maybe he could just get his fucking act together and open a drawer first.

Cue World War IV.

Another 5 minutes of screaming and yelling. Another 5 minutes of him telling me how useless I am and how inconsiderate I am that I can’t just answer his questions politely. Never mind the fact that whenever I ask a question of him, the best response I can hope for is a shrug or a grunt. Never mind the fact that I always put items back in the same place, so the paper towels have been in the same drawer every single day that we’ve lived together. Never mind the fact that he’d JUST SEEN THE FUCKING PAPER TOWELS RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING RUBBISH BAGS.

Yes, I realise how daft it is that something so minor had exploded into something so ridiculous. Attempting to tell him that fell on deaf ears. Telling him that he was just looking for an argument provoked him further. Eventually I just told him to leave me alone (though a little less politely than that.)

So we parted on the agreement that he wasn’t cooking dinner “for me”, he was going to bed, and that if I didn’t work a full week this week, regardless of my depression, he’s kicking me out.

I’m broke, stressed, I’m depressed and I have nowhere to go, But I would like nothing more than to be free of him.

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

As soon as you can you need to go – maybe even sooner. You dont deserve to be disrespected in this way. He is beyond uncool. You need someone who will support you on your worst day not provoke you. Good luck

Comment by Kate

Thank you Kate, you’re absolutely right. J has put up with a lot of my bad days, but if he can’t put up with them anymore and only makes them worse, it’s not a good option for either of us anymore.

Comment by soloinsydney

It sounds like J has quite the anger issue.
My Fiance used to be pretty bad like this, and I always felt I was walking on egg shells.
It took alot for him to ‘change’ and it is slowly happening.

I won’t tell you to leave him, as obviously this is your own choice and if you feel he is worth staying with, I suggest you both need to have a few counselling sessions with someone who is impartial to the fighting, someone who can help him tone it down!
Love your blog.

Comment by Maryanne




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